Dr. Fantastic, M.D.

The thoughts, ramblings, philosophies, writings, ideas, presumptions, concoctions, conjurations, conjugations and congregations of one Joel Petrie.

Memoirs of a Canadian DJ - By Jaelan Petrie


Ten years ago a group of Scouts were camped at the top of a mountain in the Rockies. As they were eating around the fire a raging thunder and wind-storm hit. Everyone scurried to their tents for cover… ALL - except for one of the older ones. He stood there looking at the sky - and as the rain poured, as the wind blew, as the thunder cracked – he shook his fist at the sky and yelled.

"IS THAT ALL YOU GOT! (PAUSE) IS THAT ALL YOU GOT! (PAUSE) GIVE US WHAT YOU GOT!"

KABOOM! - Immediately a stroke of lighting flashed and struck the nearby hill-brow and lit some trees on fire. The crack was deafening and the lone scout stood there.

"SORRY" he apologized, ran to tent for cover and then proceeded to instruct the other scouts to 'NEVER TRY THAT AT HOME'.

That scout was my brother… Jordan.

JORDAN CAMERON PETRIE was born into a loving family on September 3rd, 1979 in the foothills of the Canadian Rockies in Cardston, Alberta, Canada. He was a shocking 9pds 12oz. My mother describes his birth as 'the easiest one she ever had – he came straight out'. At 10 months, he would wake up - climb into the fridge and eat cottage cheese, at 1 & 1/2 he walked the 2.5 miles to Bryce Canyon on his own, and at 2 he successfully disappeared, crossed an extremely busy road, and returned with his 2 front teeth missing… which didn't grow back for nearly 10 years – he spoke for years with a whistle. As he got older he would get mad and run away nearly every week – and one of us would always find him hiding in the grass usually only 50 feet from the house. 'Leave me alone – I runned away. This time for good'.

I remember growing up on one occasion - that he, I and Jaeris, his other older brother, were doing forced labour in the yard for our father. Jordan had a habit of doing everything he could to get out of work, or to stand and pretend he was working, and this time he told us he had to use the bathroom. We naturally called him a liar and held him down - until he peed his pants. An hour later, after my mother finished yelling at us, she informed us that we would have to work with out Jordan for the remainder of the day. He smirked and went inside. From that point on, anytime we would find ourselves doing forced labour for our father… we would look up and see Jordan standing there with that same smirk – he would then pee his pants on purpose, walk towards the house and inform us 'I'm t-e-ll-ing Mom".

There was another time that my father had directed a local play and came home dressed as a Spanish Conquistador – with the clothes, a sword and helmet, and complete with make-up. Jordan didn't recognize him at all and was stunned there was someone entering his house with a sword. He ran to the closet and pulled out his own little plastic sword and let out a yell and attacked to protect his family. They fought and fought and fought, and even after my dad peeled away the costume - Jordan kept trying to kill him.

Jordan seemed invincible growing up – he brushed with death on numerous occasions and would always come out unscratched. He was hit by a car, drove a dirt bike off a large cliff, was once found in the sewer systems when he was three, had a stomach parasite, and the list is much, much longer - but he would always somehow make it through. A very normal weekend scenario would be his brothers standing watching him in pain on the ground and his father instructing the rest of us… "WE CAN'T TELL MOM." The most memorable brush was when Jordan and I were racing on our dirt bikes in Canada. We were going approximately - AD LIB.

After having grown up next to the Canadian Rockies, Jordan moved to Orem, Utah, USA with his family. He braved the new surroundings at Orem High School by throwing himself into athletic endeavours. Coach Steele said he was the fire and passion of the team – never afraid to take the hit - and quick to make everyone laugh. His classmates called him CANADA or EH. He was naturally gifted at sports and excelled quite quickly. He was a linebacker and on special teams, he was a wrestler, and a gifted runner. His natural track and running ability led him to become the Junior Olympic Champion in the 200 and 400m and he went on to run the 200m, the 400m, and the 4X400m relay for Utah Valley State College. He successfully graduated from Orem High School and from the seminary program of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in 1997.

On November 15th, 1998 Jordan entered the Mission Training Centre to serve a mission in Durban, South Africa. In doing so he touched the hearts of many of the people in the poor townships who heard his message. He would share with us conversion stories, stories of change, stories of love, stories of acceptance and multiple baptisms, and stories of monkeys breaking in and stealing his food. He spoke often and lovingly of the people he cared for and served. His heart broke when he saw the poverty. His heart broke when he saw the violence. And he also decided to serve in typical Jordan style – which means he was known for both good and for – well - not so good. Meaning, he served in his own way. For example, he played soccer for the local professional team as a starting goalkeeper. When they televised the matches he was introduced or shown as 'Elder Petrie'. Professional sports are generally frowned upon as a missionary. He volunteered daily with the local handicap association and they loved him. He was also featured in a beer commercial. Again, as a missionary this is something that is frowned upon. He had attended a national soccer game and was a lone white man waving the South African flag in a sea of black people. A cameraman captured the image and turned it into a national ad campaign. The mission president found out about it from a member who saw it on the Sports Network. Jordan told me the president went bonkers. The greatest example he gave - has remained with me for a long time – one evening he and a group of missionaries were at home when a fire broke out at a nearby night -club where the stairs, and a wall, had collapsed. People were trapped inside. Without hesitation Jordan climbed inside and pulled over 35 people out and handed them down to the others who were waiting below. The following week he received a phone call from a Mr. Nelson Mandella – a former political prisoner who stood against apartheid. Mr. Mandella was interested in knowing who the young white man was who would care so much for his people. Jordan was thanked personally under 3 conditions – no sudden movements, no personal belongings, and no stupid questions.

When Jordan returned home, he ran into a series of frustrations that led him to a different path then he perhaps anticipated. He worked as a ranch hand, he turned manure, he moved to the far, far north, and somewhat drifted for a time. He even worked as a janitor – in fact he and I did that together. I remember clearly once that he was operating a big hall vacuum and was cleaning a large carpet – going back and forth like a combine in a field. I was buffing a nearby floor with a different machine and heard him turn off his vacuum. I sensed him walking towards me and turned off the machine I was operating to converse with him. He stopped, looked at me and said 'THIS IS THE EPITOME OF LOWNESS' – turned around, walked back and began vacuuming again. This frustration combined, with a long string of injuries, led him to give up running, to start a different lifestyle, to fall into new surroundings, and start to a journey that has led us here today – Yet, this is also when he began to turn his focus towards a new-found talent and love… his MUSIC. Jordan began to dabble frequently as a DJ and was hooked firmly for the remainder of his life – he went through various names such as Master P, Canuck–n-fold, and a string of others but finally settled on his new identity which would lead him to become DJ NC-17… a local favourite and a mainstay in the Intermountain-West music scene. Anyone who met him, saw him spin, or listened to him LOVED him. I remember on one occasion when he invited me to one of his gigs. It was when he was just starting out and was still practicing daily in our basement for hours on end at a deafening volume level… it usually started with an air raid siren that would wake us up or just drive us mad. When I arrived to his show - there were only six people in the room. Jordan didn't care or notice… he mixed as if there was 100, 000 people raving, he danced as if no one was watching, and he smiled as if he was already in the big time… it wasn't about him, or about who was there – it was about the music. He passionately followed his dream for the remainder of his years and was well known for his creativity – such as spinning in his underwear, or as a tele-tubbie, for throwing records into the crowd, or for his tag-team shenanigans. Jordan doesn't know this – but I followed his career with great care. I asked him once how it was going and he replied "GREAT! I WAS JUST AWARDED BEST NEW DJ BY A MAGAZINE! THEY HAD A WRITE UP AND AN ARTICLE IN IT ABOUT ME AND EVERYTHING!" I replied that was fantastic… congratulations – He retorted "NOO - NOT REALLY – IT WAS A GAY MAGAZINE AND THEY SAID (and I'm copying Jordan) 'THE BEST THING ABOUT MY PLAYING WAS MY CUTE BUTT.'

On October 10th , 2006 my life changed forever. I received a phone call – a phone call at 06.00am from my father telling me that Jordan had passed away from a drug overdose.

This isn't what I want to remember him for. I want to remember him for his big heart, his generosity, his sense of humour, and his compassion. I want to remember him for his yellow pants (which by the way were his little sisters – in fact most of his pants he wore were his little sisters) I want to remember him for his laugh, for his jokes, for his earrings and piercings, for that dumb smirk, for his love, and most of all I want to remember him and miss him for his friendship. Jordan you are the true definition of a friend. Never judging, never dismissing, always giving, always caring, always accepting and always taking you with him and creating a memory with you that you would never forget. Jordan - You were the craziest, funniest, yet most loving person we will ever meet.

So, I stand before you today as the representative of a family in grief, of friends and associates in mourning, of a group that is heartbroken, and before a community in shock. This afternoon we are united in not only our desire to pay our respects, but also in our love, our pain, and our loss. Jordan we will deeply, deeply miss you.

And now I offer our condolences. First, to Sarah – Jordan never brought anyone home – so you must have been everything to him. We all care desperately for you today. We are torn with sadness at the loss of a man with whom you shared your love and your life.

Secondly, to my parents. Please do not think in any way that you have failed. You stand as a bright and shining example of exactly what parental love is and should be. You intervened, you loved, you cared, you opened your arms, you cried, you worried, and you did it all with love. To both Sarah and my parents - How great your suffering and anguish we cannot even imagine.

We are extremely grateful and indebted to anyone who has supported us through this difficult time. We would like to thank anyone who has offered or expressed love, opened your arms, offered aid, and to anyone who has mourned with us. Also, to anyone who has posted memories of Jordan on legacy.com or utrave.org. – or any other site – thank you we will cherish these. We also would like to thank anyone who attempted to help Jordan through his hard times, to any who opened their arms to him during his addiction, and to anyone who is and was his friend. Dimitri… our especial thanks to you – you cared and helped when many didn't - or didn't know – and we are eternally indebted to you.

I would like to end by thanking God, our Father in Heaven, for the small mercies he has extended to us at this time and for giving us the precious, precious gift of Jordan – even if it was for such a short time.

Above all I give thanks for the man I am proud to call my brother. Jordan, today we say thank-you for your life... Everyone here – without fail – remembers the moment we met you. Whether it was across the room, seeing you spin, or on a roof – we know you loved the roof and would yell greetings and then jump, ride a skateboard, a bike, or I'm told - even a trampoline with wheels off of it – whether it was at church, at school, at a party… where-ever it was – that moment was unmistakeable. The dignity, the strength, the acceptance, the struggle and the torment, and that 'something different about you' that none of us can explain but we all recognized immediately... We love you, we miss you and we will never forget the love and joy you brought to everyone that knew you. And we unanimously agree – that you had better be in heaven waiting for us – because if you aren't there – it will not be heaven and I'd rather not go.

The Midnight Society


Oh how I longed to be just a part,
of that band of pre-teens who weren't so afraid of the dark.

To tell tales of the night, death and things near as grim;
to spin and weave a yarn in great length, and still be home before ten.

I would have sat in that great stone chair, tossing that magical dust to the flame;
Spurting forth verbal terror and reaching great heights of horror fame.

All this I would have done with immense joy,
To scare thousands of children, both girls and boys.

But, to do so would have drove my mother into a fit,
not to mention the fact, that as a kid, I was a chicken.

To an old friend...


Fair warning... the following blog could and should be construed as ridiculous and somewhat pathetic...

Today... tonight... I said goodbye to a dear friend...

Since before I could drive, I needed a place to go to think. A spot where friends and I could go and philosiphize and get better aquainted, not only with eachother, but with ourselves. An area of great insipiration and beauty.

That place is The Thinking Spot. Now, I'm not the only person who knows of, or even uses The Thinking Spot, many, many, many of my friends know it as well as I do. I've even had people I had just recently met refer to the same place as their The Thinking Spot without any prior knowledge that I ever used it. The Thinking Spot is a place with a sort of magical allure... or should I say "was"?

For years... litterally years, I would visit the spot when I needed to clear my head, or if I needed inspiration for a story, or if I needed a good cry.

The spot carries some of my best... and worst memories of all time. It played a major role in the shaping of who I am today. It's where I would go when planning the future of me.

It's the one place I could go to keep my sanity in tact. The one place that truly felt like a sanctuary. The one place that kept me from giving in and giving up all these years.

Tonight wasn't any different.

I am part of an acting repertory at UVSC and as a part of the big theatre review the company is putting on, I've been assigned a song. It's a beautifully simple song about how the heart wants what the heart wants, about how you should just let yourself love, because it's sort of inevitable. Well, due to recent events in my life (which ended up leading me to the spot for one of those good cry's) I have a hard time believing that philosophy anymore. So, again I found myself at The Thinking Spot; this time to practice a song, and to find a character inside myself that can make the audience believe I believe that true love is just a matter of "This is how it is, and if you accept that fact, you'll end up happy in the end... promise!"

It wasn't working.

So, as a back-up plan, I decided to practice the song, over and over so, even if the characterization of it wasn't up to par, at least it wouldn't sound like a herd of stampeding sick monkey cats. Well, I was hitting that nasty high note (you know the one... when the guy is singing and ALMOST hitting it and you're thinking to yourself I'm glad we're not watching American Idol, cause we'd have to watch this clip all over the internet for weeks, and I just don't have the bandwidth for that... yeah, THAT high note) when I blinding light is shone forcefully into my rearview mirror blinding me for just the splittest of seconds.

Now, I know some of you are thinking, what's the big deal? it's just a cop... well, to be honest, so was I! See, after many a year of going to the thinking spot, I've been questioned by my fair share of law enforcement agents at all hours of the night. So, this was nothing new or scary for me at all. Plus, I was alone (so he couldn't hit me with having a girl in my car... that whole thing, you know... whatever)

A moment passes as I turn down the music and wait. A shadow breaks the steady stream of light from the million candlelight spotlight trained into my retinas; the officer was on his way over. I rolled down my window
to see what the problem was and the extremely surreal and somewhat anti-climactic encounter goes as follows:

" Did you know that this is an Orem City parking lot and it closes at eleven?"
"Really? I've been coming here for years... is that new?"
"Well, no, but I could technically cite you for trespassing right now."
"Are you serious?"
"Are you just up here enjoying the view?"
"Yeah... and practicing a song..." (don't ask why I added that)
"Tell you what, you can hang around awhile longer" *checking his watch* (it's 12:38) "But, around 1:00 there are going to be guys up here who will cite you... so, you might want to make this your last time..."
"Oh wow... well, thank you..."
"No problem, goodnight..." And with that... he left...

It's now 12:42... I'm standing outside my vehicle. My body involuntarily shivers with each drop of cold rain that finds it's way through my thin, "Scalding Lake" t-shirt.
I turn my head left and then right... I try to take in as much of the spot time will allow. I strain myself trying to remember everything about the spot I can before that fateful hour comes.
I struggle to speak the word I never thought I'd have to say to a flippin' piece of land... Honestly it's just a spot! It's not like they shut it down completely! You can always go back before eleven! Who cares if you have need for the spot after the hour of 11 sometimes?? Who cares if you can't afford to risk a citation? JOEL IT'S JUST A SPOT!!!
You're absolutely right... it's just a spot.
My spot.
My Thinking Spot.

"Goodbye..."

My first memory of the spot is giving it a good cry.

So is my last.

Snakes on a Plane - A Review



I finally (after a desperate car trip home) got to see this cultural masterpiece, this intervention on life... this... experience.

Now, I know for a fact that alot of people are not going to like this film... I mean... snakes on a plane... come on... maybe it'll be because they don't get it... or maybe because they are uptight and have a stick up their whatsit... but the truth of the matter is... I LOVED IT!

Not because of the clever, loveable characters. Not because of a plane full of hot chicks and fast talking gangsters. Not because of the ridiculously ridiculous ways people die by being bitten by every known poisonous snake in the world. No, not even because Sam Jackson is the baddest of all men to ever walk the planet ever. Nope, not because of any of that... but because I had fun watching a movie...

I KNOW! I can hardly believe it myself! (now to explain/tangent) This summer I have had the most fun watching new movies I can remember... Superman Returns, Pirates of the Caribbean, Monster House, Lady in the Water (which I'm sure some of you would debate)... and now... Snakes on a Plane... What next!?

Hollywood, please... keep these movies rolling out your doors... keep the sequels, prequels and remakes out of my theatres (at least for a little while)... keep it flowing the way it's going...

But, back to Snakes on a Plane... I went into this film expecting it to be awesomely bad. You know, where the movie is just SO bad, SO ridiculous that you can't help but like it...? Well, it was so much MORE than that in this case... which is going to be hard to explain, so I'll just do it the best that I can and you can all move on with your lives:

I found myself laughing hysterically, jumping out of my seat (which I haven't done for the longest of times), feeling genuine pain (for the graphic makeup and the characters loss...) and most importantly, I found myself cheering and clapping as Sam Jackson and the other passengers beat the living tissue out of CG (and some real) snakes!!

I left the theatre thinking of ways it could have been better and found myself being completely and utterly stumped. On the drive home, I found myself singing Cobra Starship's Snakes on a Plane (Bring it) (which the music video of was played over the end credits... a cozy touch, by the by)

Anyhoo, to wrap it up, if you think you can handle some extreme satire (and some crazy painful gore effects), GO SEE THIS MOVIE! Like I stated earlier... this movie is an experience.... A good one... NAY! A GREAT one.... Thank you movies, thank you.

Snakes on a Plane. A phenom. An oddity. The winner of nothing... but my heart.

Why I hate "Lost"


I just finished the season 2 finale of Lost... the acclaimed and extremely watched ABC television series about a band of "shipwrecked" misfits trapped on an island with supposed supernatural and theological powers surrounding it (with just a twist of corporate scandal)

I am... or should I say "was" a die hard, never missed an episode, balls to the wall, crazy go nuts, surf the web for more information fanatic of Lost...

I'll explain the "was" in a minute...

*SPOILER AHEAD*

THE BUTTON

For a whole season now... we've watched in dismay as a the cast of this show continuously pushed a button... which (as I still firmly believe) was all for the purpose of a psychological experiment.

Finally, John Locke (the islands hunter, long time philosopher and until recently and still UNEXPLAINED... a cripple), this brave soul finally decided NOT to push the button...

to which our favorite writing team decided to say... "You know ALL those questions, ALL those directions we've taken the show? Screw you... ELECTROMAGNETS!"

Q. What happened to Walt having telekentic powers?
A. ELECTROMAGNETS! (that should keep you over until next season)

Q. What about the black cloud of ghosts and the power to drag people undergound?
A. ELECTROMAGNETS! (that should keep you over until next season)

Q. What's the invisible map too?
A. ELECTROMAGNETS! (that should keep you over until next season)

Q. Why does it seem like everyone is supposed to be there for a reason?
A. ELECTROMAGNETS! (that should keep you over until next season)

Q. What about that whole speech in season one between Locke and Walt about good and evil?
A. ELECTROMAGNETS! (that should keep you over until next season)

Q. How'd Locke become a cripple?

ELECTROMAGNETS! (that should keep you over until next season)

Anyway... I'm not going to explain the "was" sorry... maybe next time...

Good Morning...


I woke up this morning... three times...

The last time I awoke this early I was overseas and, unbeknownst to me, about to become Denmarks next E.R. patient... This time it was because my mom was busting down the door and getting after me for some reason (yes, I still live with my parents).

Half falling out of bed and half looking at my clock I realized I was half an hour late for work, which of course isn't unusual when I'm scheduled for 7 in the A.M.; So, I hurried upstairs to the dryer where a fresh batch of underthings were waiting for me from the night before. You know... you don't really appreciate putting on a pair of clean clothes until it's been a few days...

Skipping breakfast I could taste my breath as I turned the ignition to my 13 year old fire engine red GMC Sierra. Luckily for me, and anyone else that I might be coming in contact with the rest of the day, There were two shiny quarters, one from Iowa and One from Delaware, waiting for me in the garbage filled cup holder... so I could purchase some breath freshening accoutraments from the vending machine just outside the Theatre.

For those of you that don't know, I work at The Ragan Theatre, a glorified conference hall in the heart of UVSC's Sorensen Student Center... where I do a lot of babysitting of dancer's, band geeks and motivational speakers... with the occasional Tech crew work (Lights and Sound) on the side.

I pulled into the parking lot just outside the SSC and noticed that not only could I find a parking spot, but I found the one closest to the door because there were NO other cars in the lot. Mind you... the spot closest to the door still had a 200 yard walk.

It was turning out to be a good morning. Only half hour late, and a shorter walk than usual- by my standards I might as well have won the lottery.

7:45. I walked into the building with plenty of time to purchase a caffeinated soda and a pack of gum to get me through the day. That's when I discoverd that my boss wasn't there yet. Was I too early? Did I read the schedule wrong?

No.

But, I wasn't going to let this ruin my goings ons. Figuring I had plenty of time, I started back towards my truck with the mission of finding a notebook that I might be able to pass the creeping hours by writing. I tend to write alot when I'm bored (i.e. this.).

Now, I was walking through the pay parking lot, which, ironically is right next to the door and cheaper to use than the parking sticker that gets me (on a good day) 200 yards from my job, when I noticed something that I may never had noticed if it weren't so early: The outside smelled like breakfast.

This brings me to the point of this weblog... which is a question: Have you ever felt like the place you are most familiar with wasn't familiar at all?

For some strange reason, as I walked toward my truck the smell of pancakes and sausage trickling through my nostrils, the overwhelming feeling that I was a stranger in a different country and had only been here a few days, came over me. That even though I knew where I was, I was struggling to make it look like I knew where I was going, to make it look like I wasn't a foreigner in this odd new land... and that's when I realized... I am... I am a foreigner...

No, not because I was born and raised in a different country, not because the only family I have here is my immediate family and my friends... but... because I've become SO entrenched.

Alright that may or may not make sense, but the truth is; I am so familiar with my surrounding that they are foreign to me. I am so used to what I know that that which I don't, is more appealing... more... comfortable... more... safe...?

Well, my boss finally showed up... so... here's looking at you kid.

More vagueties from a Northerner

There comes a time in everyone's life where they have to accept the situation and move on...

I just don't know if this is one of those times... but... I have no choice... a decision has been made and I have to deal with it... it is completely out of my hands and there is not a thing more I can do...

Someday... Someday, people will just come to their senses and realize... they'll realize... (trails off into unitelligable... grumble, grumble...)

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