The top 3 "Terrible Movies" I want to make knowing full well that they're going to be terrible...

Its a long title but I couldn't really condense it and get my meaning across properly... They aren't the "Top 5 movies I want to make" by a long shot- and I don't want to make terrible movies... if that makes sense.

ANYway- what we're looking at here is a list of these terrible films, a short description, and why I want to make it... starting with number 5!

#3 - DEATH FACTORY

"Five strangers trapped in the halls of an abandoned textile factory are hunted by evil and haunted by their past."

So- you may have read in my previous post why I'm writing this- but- as I write- I realize how badly I want to make the movie as well... You know- so it doesn't come across as terrible as one of the many terrible SciFi channel directors would make it.

Don't get me wrong, it'll still be über terrible, but just- in that fun kind of terrible sense of the word.

#2 - Return of the Living Dead Part III

"Back from the dead and hungry for more."
(Secret Military compounds, hobos and zombies... need more be said?)

You're asking yourself right now- why in the shizzle would this man want to RE-make a terribly terrible film!?

Actually, you're probably not asking yourself that because you're probably wondering to yourself if a movie like RotLDp3 has actually been made in the first place! Well, I'm here to tell you that it has and when I sat on my parents couch that cold October evening watching this movie I realized- with different direction the movie could actually have a lot of heart (especially the Riverman's monologue) and some extremely cheap scares...

I dunno- it would be a blast on and off the set!

#1 - 101 ways to wok your dog."Kung Fu stir fry has NEVER tasted so good..."

I'm going to be 100% honest with you right now... I have no story for this one yet- just concept: Kung Fu film... the only reason I want to make this movie is because of the title.

Who wouldn't watch a Kung Fu movie with this name!?

Alright- that's my list. Maybe someday when I am in the midst of making good movies I can throw some of these in. Who knows?

Some aspirations worth considering...

So- I've always been enamored with the SciFi Channel... But most particularly its terrible terrible movie franchise.

Movies so completely and utterly not worth watching- they're worth watching twice.

So, now that my real screenplay is finally finished and as we push forward on trying to get it produced and put into play around festivals... I decided that I am going to work on a script for this channel that provides hours and days of ubiquitous, asinine entertainment.

I've set myself a few rules when writing it:

-it cannot be too smart, but it must be slightly smarter than what they produce if I want a shot of selling it to them.

-I must limit myself on the grandeur and scale to fit within the SciFi Channel universe.

-it needs to be fast paced, tense and most of all fun.

-Last but not least- it needs to feel like a SciFi Channel Original Movie, right down to the title.

SO! In light of this new project- I am going to post the "Teaser" from the script I have chosen to write... give me your feedbacks- thoughts... etc.

THANKS!

DEATH FACTORY
(working title)
Story by: Elwon Bakly & Joel Petrie
Written by: Joel Petrie

Darkness- Gears break into life- rusty metal clinks and an off cadence.

A deep rumble insists behind what seems to be shallow, forced breaths, wheezing in time with the beat of the gears-

INT. ABANDONED FACTORY- LOADING DOCK - NIGHT

A pair of beautiful blue eyes, filled with fear, stare up from cold concrete. This is the source of the breathing.

She is paralyzed. Nothing binds her.

The machine next to her churns and spits sparks- threatening to burn her.

Her eyes gaze down to her hand-

Her fingers twitch- her arm struggles and lifts. the noise is now becoming too loud to be bearable.

After more struggle- the rest of her follows- She makes it to her feet and just like that, the noise stops.

No sound now- just her breathing- which stops.

BEAUTIFUL EYED GIRL

...hello...?

In some distant part of the factory the deep moan of bending steel is her reply. Then- An unearthly bawl. Her breathing starts again.

Another moan of steel and unearthly wail- this time it is not so distant- the machines start again with their clink- matching the rhythm of her of her respiration.

She is startled- she runs.

Machines and electronics all roar to life as she passes- she finds herself in-

INT. ABANDONED FACTORY- MAIN HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

The hallway is long, narrow and promising freedom- at the far end the doors are open and fresh air pours in.

To her though, it seems miles away.

The exit sign blinks on.

The scream is almost upon her! She runs! She runs toward freedom- toward the door!

The hallway grows longer and longer- the door apparently never getting any closer.

She becomes dizzy- falling to the floor, only inches from the exit-

She tries to stand but cannot.

Her breathing is faster- the noise- the bending steel- the wail- all overwhelming her.

She sees something coming down the hall after her- she is choking on her own scream-

The exit sign blinks off.

OPENING CREDITS: a series of gruesome and mechanical titles

Gun Flash Test

I am honing my skills in the post - production fields... and I wanted to try this out...

I noticed that Hollywood has been painting the flashes in for years... as early as Guns of Navarone that I've seen...

Shot with HVX200
Edited on Final Cut Pro

Prince Caspian: A quick review

Let me start by saying- You should see this movie. If nothing else they'll make the rest of them!

Okay- to start:

I don't know how I feel about the parallels to the Iraqi war in this film. I understand why they did it next! (Chronologically Boy and his Horse is next, but they're probably not doing that one) I just don't know how appropriate it was to do that with a famous, "classic", literary work.

Unless of course that was the original intent (i.e. Germany's occupation of Europe) - I mean I guess that's why these books are classic, because they are timeless and CAN be paralleled to the events of today and tomorrow... you know how history repeats itself and all... but again, was it necessary what with all sorts of movies already being made in that vein. I dunno, something to think about.

As for the actors:

As expected, Georgie Henley (Lucy) was adorable - any discrepancies I saw were NOT her fault so much as her direction or the editors choice of take.

The rest of the cast were also strong - Ben Barnes (Caspian) was (for lack of a better word) "dreamy" - Not kidding, I have not met one female who has seen it (or just seen the trailer for that matter) who hasn't wanted him to sweep into they're bedroom in the middle of the night and steal them into the dark recesses of the Narnian forest. (He acted his roll a touch stiffly, but it worked for the character)

Anna Popplewell (Susan)- well, she's über purdy... oh and she can act! tee hee - uhmm... I could have used a bit more sexual tension between her and Caspian or none at all- it was far too "in between" for my liking (she didn't think he was as dreamy as the rest of the world) again- this isn't so much her fault as the direction or take selection.

William Moseley (Peter) did well... he did... I just wish he was given a bit more than "angst" to work with.

But who really surprised me pleasantly was Skandar Keynes (Edmund) His growth amazed me, I wish oh so wished he had a much bigger part in the film - wowzers!

Followed by some extremely strong performances by the rest of the ensemble, including a pleasant surprise in seeing The Station Agent's Peter Dinklage, LOVE him as an actor.

and my final props go to Sergio Castellitto (Mraz) he had depth to the coldness he portrayed as the villain. That's always nice.

As for the movie:

I just kinda feel they should have taken more time on the script and the direction. Don't get me wrong the Art (costumes, camera, sets, etc) was perfect! The action!? don't get me started on the action- SO good!

But that's not what Narnia is to me - I've never read the books so I can't compare, but the first movie, well the first movie took me on a camping trip to talk about something important, then it slapped me in the face and told me to go home and think about things a little while.

While this movie sorta just got me all excited for prom, took me to a really fancy restaurant for dinner and then told me to stick to the left side of the menu- it left me wanting more, but not that: "ooh I can't wait for the sequel!!" kind of wanting, but the: "...I don't order this soup here - because they don't make it the same as my Mom does." kind of wanting.

It wasn't terrible, I didn't hate it at all! I just wish they would have taken a little more time and put a little more love into it.

The Greatest Movies You've Never Seen...

Topping off my list I'm going to start with a movie you haven't seen most likely because of poor advertising-

Snow Falling On Cedars - Apparently they thought that because it was masterfully shot, emotionally written and skillfully put together that the world wouldn't want to see it. This must have been when they must have decided to market it as a touching and dripping love story that spans the ages- its not- if anything its a Courtroom movie with loving undertones. The following is how it was advertised-

This is what the movie is really like- (its 6 minutes long but very good I promise)


The next movie I'm throwing at you is a foreign film that I PROMISE you haven't heard of (unless I've told you about it)

Flickering Lights (Blinkende lygter) - The darkest comedy I have ever seen- also one of the most uplifting movies as well; A Danish film about a band of best friends and criminals turning their lives around while opening a restaurant. FANTASTIC! (this clip doesn't have subtitles- but it still works)

Okay- we're rolling now. Next- You haven't heard of this one because you never browse the video shelves... I mean seriously browse the video shelves...jerk.


Happy, Texas - Steve Zahn is one of two escaped cons who have to pretend to be a couple of gay, little miss junior pageant planners in a small town in Texas - ENOUGH said.


The Way of the Gun - if you liked No Country for Old Men but want an ending. This is the movie for you- with a lovely cameo from Sarah Silverman (if you don't like her- you'll LOVE this cameo) Gun is that kind of movie that if released this year- well- watch it... (WARNING: this scene is a little brutal)


Dog Soldiers - Have you ever walked through the Horror section of your local blockbuster, just- making fun of the different titles and concepts of the RIDICULOUS movies gracing its shelves? Well, I used to- I also used to rent a movie just because I thought it was going to be terrible...

That is how I saw Dog Soldiers. Let me tell you something- This was one of the best cinematic mistakes I have ever made- this British produced film is one of the most solid pieces of independent film making I have ever seen - I LOVE LOVE LOVE the screenplay for this one actually... (I'm sorry- this trailer does NOT do the film any justice... but its all I could find)


Well- that's my short list- I'll continue this- soon.

Sunset/Death - A synopsis

We're trying for investment on a film- here is a synopsis:

When a common "mindset" becomes a reality, Grady, an everyman, is left isolated and guilty. Set in a hauntingly familiar alternate reality, he encounters complex and life threatening situations that test the very thing that makes us who we are. Everyday his struggle to live battles his willingness to go on.

What does life matter to a person inflicted with the internal perspective of insignificance?

I know I haven't written in a long long time- so- tell me what you think!

It is late at night.

I've decided to go on a walk. Its cold and there's a light snow. A man drives by and gives me a funny look- As I walk it becomes harder and harder to move my legs, as if I'm walking up a steep hill- my legs become tired- its so hard to move by the end that I have to use fences, lamposts and treest to continue forward (but this is only this bad as I'm finding out the news)

I then get a text message from Kyle Fotheringham that states "The girl it seems you want to marry is standing right next to me and it seems she wants to marry the guy she's with, and lake seems to be light as a feather because of it". The last bit confuses me mildly- then there is a follow up text that says "I meant Jake not lake seems to be light as a feather because of it" (predictive text messed up his name apparently)

So I call Kyle, there's lots of noise in the background- and music. I ask "So she's acting like she's married to Jake?" Kyle says "Yes, she's flirting with him and there's continual sexual references" I say "She's not kissing him is she?" "Oh no- yea she is" comes the very Kyle-like reply.

"Oh- excuse me, I'll call you right back" My voice is calm, quick. I'm filled with heart-broken rage.

I call her immediately- Under her breath as if she's talking to me but doesn't want me to hear, but I do, she mutters "Would you just leave me alone?" then "yeah?" the same music and noise fills the background.

"Kyle just told me everything" I say. "So, why would I care?" she replies.

I recount what he said very fast so she can't interrupt. My legs work now, I've found a field of rare white orchids- my fist wraps around the stem of one and proceeds to destroy it- my voice feels a bit shaky, panicked and stressed.

When I finish, without any thought or regard to what I had just said, she finishes the conversation- "Okay, well I'll see you later then?"

"No- what!?" I'm in an Orchard. Destroyed orchid in my hand.

"Goodbye!" Her voice is exceptionally cheerful. My pain is unimaginable.

I wake up.

I send you the text.

I can't get back to sleep.